Monday, December 29, 2008

Merry Christmas!

What a Christmas it's been! It's always nice to gather the whole family around the table for a traditionally-conceived Christmas dinner, but things were a little different this year. While the rest of the household were out, during the afternoon of Christmas Eve, Doreen and I had been enjoying some lovely mulled wine with fruit and brandy. There's a wonderful atmosphere that accompanies mulled wine and it always puts Doreen in a friendly and receptive mood. I'm not sure if had something to do with the bubbles in the warm, generously spiced Cava but, next thing we knew, we discovered the dining table had given way under our combined weight! Sadly, there was no hope of getting it fixed up on Christmas eve, so we had no choice but to bring in the plastic table from the garden. Personally, I would have been quite happy to retain our hand-carved wooden chairs, but Doreen felt that the clash of colours would have been too much to bear. Instead, I had to bring in the matching chairs from the garden, to go with the bright pink table!

Unfortunately the food itself didn't quite go according to plan either! Not only had we lost our table, but the oven abruptly packed in on Christmas morning (although, I should add, not as the result of any amorous circumstances, on this occasion)! Who could possibly have predicted that the cooker would suddenly stop working on Christmas Day? Admittedly the temperature dial had been tending to spark like a Roman candle over the past few months but, as I told Doreen, it's all too easy to read things into minutiae after you have been granted the benefits of hindsight. Overall, the steamed turkey seemed to go down reasonably well, although it was universally agreed that we should have emptied out the electric steamer and filled it with fresh water (after having topped it up with half a bottle of cherry brandy on the previous night, in order to steam the Christmas pudding). The hot mince pies, however, were simply a disaster!

Our Christmas dinner wasn't quite the sucess it could have been, but it's important to remember what Christmas is really about- ie. the presents! I shan't have time to list all of those that I received here, I'm afraid, but one in particular stood out. With his usual flair for gift-giving, Horace presented me with a commemorative film cell from the movie Remo - Unarmed And Dangerous(starring the great Fred Ward as Remo Williams, judging by what I have managed to gather on imdb). However, as my Uncle Bruce always says: "Christmas is about giving, not about receiving" (a policy that he sticks to rigidly, much to the frustration of his partner Dennis). Unfortunately, the stocking full of treats that I bought for Crispin turned out to contain snacks for dogs (although, on the plus side, a few days on and has barely managed to gnaw much more than half way through his first bone). However, Doreen found a lovely Santa-themed "Treat Dispenser"that has been popular amongst the whole family!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Wayne's Christmas Gift ideas

Ah!!! It's that time of year again! Just what should you get for those who don't particularly need anything, but for whom seasonal etiquette dictates that you must buy a gift? Do you get them some aftershave (to be poured down the sink in disgust)? A bottle of wine (for them to glug down and instantly forget)? A Jeremy Clarkson DVD (to be dozed through once and then left on the shelf)

NO!!!!!!! You've forgotten the golden rule of gift-giving! The best Christmas presents are those that can be remembered! Well, nobody would be likely to forget having received one of these! Click here for: Wayne Redhart's 'alternative' Christmas gift list

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

A genuine must-have gift

PAUL ROSS - 20 Inch Canvas Print (51cm) by MirrorPrintStore

I haven't reviewed this one myself, but there is a whole collection of fine efforts within the review section. These must have been selling like hotcakes throughout the festive season. As one customer said, if you only buy one 20 inch Paul Ross canvas this year, this is the one to get.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Harder than I thought

Hello! Wayne here. I'm just starting to wonder to myself why I recently decided to start writing a blog as, frankly, I have not been able to think of a single thing worth stating in public, since I introduced myself here on Saturday. What do proper bloggers talk about anyway? Current affairs? As a full-time reviewer, I'm afraid that I don't have time to read newspapers or watch television very much. My only source of news come from the odd glance across the yahoo homepage. A few weeks ago I learned that former Lily Savage actor Paul O'Grady had bitten by an adder, although I'll be buggered if I know what might have gone on since.

Still, if anyone has a recent topic that they would like to suggest that I discuss, then feel free to make a suggestion! With my limited knowledge of events, I probably won't have the slightest idea as to what you are talking about- although I certainly won't let that stop me from making a light-hearted attempt to cast an ill-informed, half-baked satirical eye upon the subject of your choice!

Saturday, December 13, 2008


Hello everyone! Allow me to introduce myself. I am Wayne Redhart- reviewer of such classic items as the Gentlemen's Ball Scratcher

Anyhow, today is a truly momentous occasion- for I have finally reached FIVE THOUSAND helpful votes! Still, much ground remains to be covered. Why not stop to visit my profile, in order to add a few extra thumbs ups? Mark my words, ladies and gentleman- I shall not rest until I have earned my rightful place as a top 100 reviewer! Anyway, just off to bed. Goodnight for now!

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