Saturday, July 4, 2009

Wayne's joke of the weak- July 4th special no. 5

Why did the man murder his mother's lesbian sister?

To celebrate end-a-bent-aunt's day!

Wayne's joke of the weak- July 4th special no. 4

Why did the man encourage a group of reformed sinners to like to each other?

To celebrate endear-penitents day!

Wayne's joke of the weak- July the 4th special no. 3

Why did the mechanic reinforce the chassis of the battered stock car?

To celebrate underpin-dents day!

Wayne's joke of the weak- July the 4th special no. 2

Why did the American woman put a picture of Harrison Ford inside her locket?

To celebrate Indy-pendants Day!

Wayne's joke of the weak- July the 4th special

Why did the life-guard fill one end of the pool with insects?

To celebrate in-deep-end-ants day!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Wayne's joke of the 'weak'- Week 7b

A second weekly offering for you once again folks. I'm afraid that I simply can't tame those creative impulses right now.

Why did the light switch achieve significantly less impressive grades in his GCSEs than the other light switch?

Because he was a 'dimmer switch'!!!


NB. Following a number of complaints about the poor standard of my jokes, please note the change to the title of this weekly feature.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Complete tools

Here's a comment that was posted at the bottom of the following BBC news story:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8125515.stm

I have 4 tickets so I may ask for two refunds and 2 souvenir tickets. When Michael died I was not concerned about the money I'd paid for tickets I was just so sad. I even considered donating the money to his children or towards the funeral. But a souvenir ticket would be great.
Lisa Shone, London UK


It never fails to stun me, when I see just how dumb fellow members of the human race are. How can a person be so ignorant and prepossessed with such delusions of self-importance as to even contemplate such a silly thought- as though it might count as some kind of a good deed? If you too would like to consider making a donation to the wealthy children of a celebrity, then you can pull your cock out of your fucking arse and start to think about giving some money to a cause that is actually worthwhile instead! You stupid fucking idiots!